Last day of 2010 and I’m almost all packed to go… feeling anxious, a little sad, but mostly feeling this disturbance in my emotional equilibrium.
My daughter emailed and asked if I am scared and here’s how I replied:
I am a little scared. I found a book that Rufus had been reading called The Art of Pilgrimage by Phil Cousineau, and am taking it with me. I opened it at random and found a line that really hit home for me. Rufus had made many margin scratches to indicate parts that struck a note with him and this was one of them.
“The pilgrim’s motives have always been manifold: to pay homage, to fulfill a vow or obligation, to do penance, to be rejuvenated spiritually, or to feel the release of catharsis. The journeys all begin in a restive state, in deep disturbance. Something vital was missing in life; Vitality itself may be lurking on the road or at the heart of a distant sanctuary.”
I realize that I am feeling anxious about going: Do I have what I need? Did I pack too much? Too little? Will Max be bored? Will I? A part of me feels that whatever I bring and whatever gets left behind – it’s OK. Another part is judging a little bit my planning (or lack thereof). The plan is grand – go where the road and whim takes us. And the plan is small – go where the road and whim takes us.
But I also feel that it’s the right time to go and the right thing to be doing. I need to shake up my routine, to see other places, meet other people, stretch and push my comfort zone. So, on this last day of 2010, I am preparing to go out on a pilgrimage – seeking I know not what. I hope I recognize it when it presents itself.
and on that note, I will wish you all a very Happy New Year’s eve!
I hope all your revels are … just that – revels!